sit in your parked car with sunglasses on
and point a hair dryer at passing cars.
See if they slow down.
yourself over the intercom.
Don't disguise your voice.
time someone asks you to do something,
ask if they want fries with that.
decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.
Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction,
switch to espresso.
the memo field of all your checks, write
"for sexual favors."
all your sentences with the phrase
"in accordance with the prophecy."
the money comes out of the ATM, scream,
"I won! I won! That's the 3rd time this week!!!!!"
leaving the zoo,
start running towards your car and yell,
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, THEY'RE LOOSE!!"
your children around the dinner table.
Explain that due to the recent ecomonic downturn,
you're going to have to let one of them go.