Note from Bryan: I pulled this
off a website sometime in early 2001 but unfortunately I no longer can remember
the site url. Anyway, the person who
wrote it really comes up with some gems.
WORST COUNTRY SONG TITLES!
Naturally, you'll be wondering what an erudite gentleman such as I would be
doing with such a list on his site. A few summers ago, I had the pleasure of
shooting a documentary on rodeos. It was a wonderful experience, with one
exception. PA announcers at rodeos have this terrible predisposition towards
playing country music at high decibel levels, virtually non-stop.
In addition to driving my sound guys crazy, this led to the discovery that
our entire crew had pretty much reached our maximum saturation point for
country music.... after the first rodeo. By the end of the summer, I found
myself actually singing along with a song about how "I'm married to a
waitress and I don't even know her name."
With this in mind, I proudly present my list of country song titles. Now in
new, improved, alphabetical order!
- All I Want From You (Is
- All My Exes Live In Texas
- Am I Double Parked by the
Curbstone of Your Heart? (courtesy of Michael)
- At the Gas Station of Love, I
Got the Self Service Pump (courtesy of Barry)
- Bubba Shot The Jukebox
- Cow Cow Boogie
- Did I Shave my Legs for This?
by Deana Carter (courtesy of Scott)
- Don't Believe My Heart Can
Stand Another You.
- Don't Squeeze My Sharmon.
- Don't Strike A Match (To The
Book Of Love)
- Drop Kick Me Jesus Through
The Goal Posts Of Life.
- Get Your Biscuits In The
Oven, And Your Buns In The Bed.
- Go Back To Texas and Cheesey
French Fry Lake (thanks, Laura!)
- Guess My Eyes Were Bigger
Than My Heart.
- Her Only Bad Habit Is Me
- Hold On To Your Men..Cause
she's Single Again (courtesy of Susan)
- How Can I Miss You if You
Won't Go Away? (courtesy of Charles)
- How Can You Believe Me When I
Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
- How Come Your Dog Don't Bite
Nobody But Me?
- I Changed Her Oil, She
Changed My Life (courtesy of Charles)
- I Don't Do Floors
- I Don't Know Whether To Kill
Myself Or Go Bowling.
- I Fell In A Pile Of You And
Got Love All Over Me (courtesy of Charles)
- I Flushed You From The
Toilets Of My Heart (courtesy of Charles)
- I Gave Her My Heart And A
Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade (courtesy of Bruce)
- I Gave Her the Ring, and She
Gave Me the Finger (courtesy of Maureen)
- I Got Tears In My Ears From
Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over You.
- I Got Through Everything But
- I Guess I Had Your Leavin'
- I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot
About You (courtesy of Charles)
- I May Be Used, But Baby I
Ain't Used Up.
- I Sat Down On A Beartrap
(Just This Morning)
- I Still Miss You
Baby... But My Aim is Getting Better (courtesy of Eric)
- I Wanted You To Leave Until
You Left Me.
- I Wanna Whip Your Cow
(courtesy of Charles)
- I Wish I Were A Woman (So I
Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me) (courtesy of Mick)
- I Would Have Wrote You A
Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck! (courtesy of Charles)
- I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg
Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win (courtesy of Charles)
- If Fingerprints Showed Up On
Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.
- If I Ain't Got It, You Don't
- If I Can't Be Number One In
Your Life, Then Number Two On You (courtesy of Charles)
- If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd
Walk Right Back To Me (courtesy of Mick)
- If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A
Quart Low (courtesy of Charles)
- If My Nose Were Full of
Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You (courtesy of Charles)
- If She Hadn't Been So Good
Lookin' I Might Have Seen the Train (courtesy of Phil)
- If The Jukebox Took Teardrops
- If You Can't Bite, Don't
- If You Don't Leave Me, I'll
Find Someone Who Will (courtesy of Barry)
- If You Leave Me, Can I Come
Too? (courtesy of Charles)
- If You Really Loved Me, You'd
Leave (courtesy of Phil)
- If Whiskey Were A Woman, I'd
Be Married For Sure.
- I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But
Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
- I'll Tennessee You In My
- I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To
Decorate Our Home.
- I'm Here To Get My Baby Out
- I'm Quittin' Wild Turkey Cold
Turkey (courtesy of Mandy)
- I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever
- It Only Takes One Bar (To
Make A Prison)
- I've Been Flushed From The
Bathroom Of Your Heart.
- I've Been Roped And Throwed
By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral.
- I've Got $5 And It's Saturday
- Jim, I Wore A Tie Today
- Lay Something On My Bed
Besides A Blanket
- Make Me Late For Work Today.
- Mama Get The Hammer (There's
A Fly On Papa's Head) (courtesy of Charles)
- Mommy, Can I Still Call Him
- My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink,
And I Don't Love Jesus.
- My John Deere Was Breaking
Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart (courtesy of
- My Wife Ran Off With My Best
Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him (courtesy of Charles)
- Nashville Rash
- Occasional Wife
- Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My
Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
(courtesy of Charles)
- Overlonely and Underkissed
- Pardon Me, I've Got Someone
To Kill (courtesy of Charles)
- Phantom Of The Opry
- Pick Me Up On Your Way Down
- Poultry Promenade
- Queen Of My Double-Wide
- Redneck Martians Stole My
- Refried Dreams
- She Feels Like A New Man
- She Got The Gold Mine And I
Got The Shaft (courtesy of Charles)
- She Got The Ring And I Got
The Finger (courtesy of Charles)
- She Made Toothpicks Out Of
The Timber Of My Heart (courtesy of Charles)
- She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy
- She Walked Across My Heart
Like It Was Texas (courtesy of James)
- She's Actin' Single..... I'm
- She's Got Freckles On Her,
But She's Pretty (courtesy of Charles)
- She's Got the Rhythm (And I
Got the Blues)
- Thank God And Greyhound She's
- Thanks To The Cathouse, I'm
In The Doghouse With You.
- The Man That Came Between Us
- The Pint Of No Return.
- There Ain't Enough Room in my
Fruit Of The Looms to Hold All My Lovin' For You (courtesy of Atley)
- There's A Tear In My Beer
- They May Put Me In Prison,
But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out (courtesy of Charles)
- Tight Fittin' Jeans
- Trainwreck Of Emotion
- Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
(courtesy of Charles)
- Waitin' In Your Welfare Line
- Walk Out Backwards Slowly So
I'll Think You're Walking In.
- Who's Gonna Mow Your Grass?
- Who's Gonna Take The Garbage
Out When I'm Dead And Gone?
- Whose Bed Have Your Boots
- Why Did You Leave the One You
Left Me For? (courtesy of the Johnson family)
- Why Don't We Get Drunk and
Screw (courtesy of Karen and James)
- Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On
His Television Show?
- Yard Sale
- You Can't Have Your Kate And
- You Can't Roller Skate In A
- You Done Tore Out My Heart
And Stomped That Sucker Flat (courtesy of Charles)
- You Were Only A Splinter As I
Slid Down The Banister Of Life (courtesy of Charles)
- Your Negligee Has Turned To
- Your Tattoo
- You're a Hard Dog To Keep
Under The Porch (courtesy of Susan)
- You're Going To Ruin My Bad
- You're Out Of Step (With The
Beat Of My Heart)
- You're The Reason Our Kids
Are So Ugly (courtesy of Charles)
- 80 Proof Bottle of Tear
And my personal, all-time fave:
- Get Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth, Because I'm Kissing